Another Test
by Kannachan27
Summary: If I cannot protect you, would you think me a failure? Gokudera. Vague Varia-arc spoilers. 5927


**Prompt: If I am unable to protect you, would you think me a failure?**

**To: Nathan, for inspiring me to write this, and for being the reaons I said those words, and for a million other reasons, even though you don't watch or read KHR!, because you've got too much going on in your life, and I love you anyway.**

**----**

"Tenth!" He turned towards me, a surprised look on his face, even as he smiled at me. Still, his smile, the fact that he's smiling at _me_, it makes my heart skip a beat or two (or three), and makes my breath catch, somewhere between my throat and my chest.

And I can't help but wonder how much longer I will be able to keep that smile on his face. How long until I slip, until I make one mistake, one little mistake and just like that, he's gone forever? Never coming back?

If we meet again--there is no "when," because the Tenth is innocent and pure and wonderful and everything that I'm not, so as I go to hell for being hateful and stained in blood, he will got o the place that Rokudo Mukuro had not been to, the place that he would never be to, Heaven. If we meet again in the next life, I wonder if he will be able to smile at me like that again?

Would he forgive me, if I am not strong enough to save him?

He blushes and stammers a shy, "G-Gokudera-kun!", and his face flushes with color, but I cannot think that it's because of me, even though I will bask in that smile, which feels warmer than the light of the sun in the sky, to me.

He smiles and I bask in it, and he's looking away, red-faced and shy, and I'm wrapping my arm around him and talking excitedly in his ear; words that I don't know, things that I don't even remember, and I'm just happy that he hasn't pulled away from me yet.

-----

That night's another strange one, for him. Another one of the nights that he would rather not have happen, a night of fighting and blood and pain and creepy people who don't stop smiling and want to kill me-him**-**_us_.

But for me, it's another test. The kind that I can't pass by logic, that I can't pass by thinking ahead and planning and not giving it my all.

It's another chance to prove myself. To prove my worth.

I almost had the guy, so close, so close, and I didn't care that I was almost dead, all because I had him _right there_. Just a little more and--

"Gokudera-kun!"

And the Tenth's calling my name and telling me that he doesn't care about the Rings, that he wants to have snowball fights and watch fireworks together with everyone and _that can't happen if you're not there!_ but I'm so close so close so close and if I can get his Half of the Ring and get out alive, then I will have done it _right_. I will have done something to protect him and to make him _proud_ of me, because if I don't win this, then there's one more strike against us, one more chance that he will have to fight and get hurt and be tainted and stained and in pain and I won't be able to help him because--

But he's telling me to leave and he'll be even more hurt if I stay here and die here. Much more hurt than if I were to give up the Ring and escape and still be alive so I can see the fireworks and have snowball fights with him and them, but mostly him because I don't care about them, but Tsuna does, and that's why he'll make a much better Tenth Generation Boss than anyone else.

So when I throw myself down in front of him and apologize to him, I mean it from my heart, because I wanted to protect him but I lost again, and--

Does he think me a failure?

Because it's always Yamamoto-Dino-Hibari-Turf-head, everyone-but-me who manages to protect him, does he think that I am not strong enough, not worthy enough of being his Right Hand Man?

If I cannot protect you, my most important person, will you think me a failure?

But he's smiling and looks like he would be clinging to me if I wasn't injured and if I wasn't' me, if I wasn't a boy named Gokudera Hayato, Smokin' Bomb Hayato, the Bomb Brat, the wannabe Right Hand Man of the future Vongola Family Tenth Generation Mafia Boss.

So I said, _"I want to see the fireworks too,"_ and try to quell the storm that's raging inside of me.

The thoughts of _I'm a failure; I can't protect you; What do you think of me now?_ and _I'm not worthy._

I try to smile and be what he wants, but…

_If I am unable to protect you, will you think me a failure?_

I just failed the only test that matters.

--End--


End file.
